Week 6: In the Hot Seat

We really needed that retreat. It couldn't have come at a better time just for everyone to kick back and relax before the final stretch. And of course there was the Hot Chair.

Even before the Hot Chair exercise, I knew there was something that I was struggling with but I couldn't really put my finger on what it was. And yet, it was always there, gnawing at the back of my mind regardless of how often I try to put it behind me. The Hot Chair forced me to confront it.

When Karin interviewed me for this program, one of the questions she asked me was along the lines of, "how are you going to work in a team with 9 other strong personalities?" And my answer to her was, "to take a back seat." The first couple of weeks after I got here, I noticed people were talking, but not many were really listening. They were hearing, but not listening. And so I made an effort to listen and hear people out, because I know what it feels like to talk and not have people listen to you. It's not a good feeling, I find it a little bit rude and disrespectful, and I don't want people to have to feel that. If you want people to listen to you, I think it's only fair that you listen to them first. But maybe that's just me again. :) Sad to say even till now, sometimes I still notice people not paying attention when someone else is speaking whether it's some speaker, Per or Karin, or even just any one of us. But hey, you can't force people to listen as well can you? :)

Because I've always tried my best (as humanly possible anyway, I'm sorry if I wasn't listening or paying attention) to listen, I might have grown too accustomed to listening, whether consciously or unconsciously, that sometimes I don't really contribute or participate in discussions. In a way, I might have put myself in a box, restricted myself, and let a role define me. But that was never my intention, and the Hot Chair exercise made me realize that.

Sometimes, I also struggle to see my voice in the things that we're working on. But now, I'm at a point where I can see the evolution of my ideas in the final idea of Nova that we're presenting. From the Seed, Grow, and Sustain model, to having Nova maybe partnering with Universities, and also having an orientation or a kick-off event, those were ideas that were developed and iterated over time. And it makes me happy to know that I've contributed to the team, even if it's just in the little things. :)